Category: Musings

Personal thoughts unrelated to writing

Musings  ⁄  The Substitute

the substitute (a tom berenger classic…)

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Okay, this might seem like I’m pouring venom on it straight away, with a shady title like that, but let’s not forget that Berenger, at the height of his powers, was a very watchable actor.

And 1996’s The Substitute is showing those powers in the ascendant.

Here’s the deal; Jonathan Shale (Berenger) is a mercenary whose fortunes have turned. His team have returned to the U.S. after a botched mission in Cuba. Anyway, his girlfriend teaches at an incredibly rough high school in Miami, she’s pissed off the gang who runs wild in the school. She gets badly beaten up and Shale manages to set himself up as the substitute teacher of the title.

It’s a brilliant action / thriller with high quality performances from everyone. It’s brilliant. Brilliant.

The sequel, The Substitute 2: School’s Out, isn’t. It’s direct to video trash, despite being led by Treat Williams. Treat Williams is always watchable, but not even he can save the sequel.

(I mean, really, it sucks so hard from the first moment. It is the absence of subtlety in movie form. I’ve rarely seen a film so bad, and I’l watched a LOAD of shitty films. And there’s even a third and fourth film. What?)

Back to the first film, Ernie Hudson is the school principal, Luiz Guzman is one of Shale’s mercs, and the rest of the cast – none of whom I recognize – are reasonably above-average.

I know that the “white man rescuing the inner city school from itself” film isn’t a new genre, but The Substitute is still worth a watch.

Musings  ⁄  Mental Health

It’s 2020!

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Congratulations!

As the Earth survives another successful orbit of its celestial master we can look over the last year, or decade, and see what we’ve achieved and what we’ve learned.

But let’s not bother with that. I’m actually in a good mood and I don’t want to spoil it. 😀

Three things of note though:

  1. The wife is a teacher now, half-way through her probation year. She loves it and I’m really chuffed for her.
  2. My mental health is still improving despite a rocky few weeks of backsliding. I’m still hear and breathing. Sometimes it’s enough just to have that. 🙂
  3. My little girl turned 10 last week and she’s a great kid. She helps light the darkness up.

So, let’s march into the next 10 years with a touch of optimism. Who knows, it might actually work out.

Musings  ⁄  Doctor Who

doctor who : the aztecs

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Episode One : Right out the gate Barbara and Susan are dicking around with Aztec stuff in some kind of temple. Then they’re rumbled! We didn’t see that coming did we, boy and girls?

As Susan runs back to the TARDIS to get the lads, Barbara is marched off! But it’s not long before our intrepid threesome are picked up by the same Aztecs (with incredibly historically accurate BBC English accents) and are shown some kindness?

Babs, is that you? A reincarnation of the priest in the tomb? That’s handy.

“Reincarnations can come out but human beings can’t go in!” I love you, Doc. I really do. Your chat is awesome.

There’s a point to be made here. This TARDIS crew – The Doctor, Susan, Barbara and Ian – are brilliant. They work so well together.

Also, the character of the High Priest of Sacrifice is magnificent.

Back in the temple… It had better rain, Barbara.

Bloody hell, Chesterton. What have you got yourself into this time.

And the Doctor is chilling with the other high priest, who has the best hat ever, and the local retirees.

And a moral quandary for the Gang. To sacrifice or not to sacrifice?

Ep 2 : An interrupted sacrifice and an angry High Priest of the same. That can’t end well.

Ian. The man with greatest thumb in history! I feel sorry for Ixta, though.

And The Doctor is quite the charming old rogue in this episode, if easily conned.

Ep 3 : Can Barbara stop Ian from being scrobbled?

Can Ian stop Barbara from being scrobbled?

Where the hell is Susan in all this?

And let’s count this as The Doctor’s first romance. “Yes, I made some cocoa and got engaged.”

Ep 4 : It’s all to play for. Will Ian escape the tunnel? Will The Doctor escape his fiancee? Will Susan escape her punishment? Will Barbara survive the eclipse?

And here comes the final battle between Ian and Ixta.

Verdict : The Aztecs is an example of Doctor Who at it’s very best. Everyone shines and the script is perfect. The story is funny, tragic, thrilling and, at the end, very sad.

Musings  ⁄  Mental Health

bullet journals, and other things

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First things first:

bulletjournal.com

That’s where you’ll find the main info behind it. Bullet Journals are part diary, part journal, part calendar. And the way it’s done means you’re in control of how the information is saved, with an indexing system that’s quite adaptable.

I got a new notebook today. That’ll serve as my new journal for 2019.

My last one covered October 2017 to June 2018. This was the period of increasingly poor mental health leading up to my wee visit to hospital. And the last message in the journal? My suicide note. Yikes.

Anyway, the plan is to see how I can use it to improve myself rather than chart my slow deterioration into madness and self-destruction.

Let’s end on a happier note.

I picked up the film Species the other day. Once the child has settled down to bed I’ll enjoy the delights of a H.R. Giger designed Natasha Henstridge.

Lovely.

Musings  ⁄  Doctor Who

doctor who : the keys of marinus

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After Unearthly Child, after The Daleks, after The Edge of Destruction, after Marco Polo…

The Keys Of Marinus.

This is the first story (not counting Marco Polo, which very little of has survived) where we properly see the Tardis crew working together. Everyone shines. And despite the odd dialogue fluff it’s brilliant. The sets are simple and effective, and I’m a sucker for decent miniature work.

Episode One : The Old Guy’s machine (the old guy that isn’t The Doctor) is fucked up.

Ep 2 : If it all seems too good to be true… Also, trust Barbara you idiots. Honestly, she’s worth the three of you put together. Also, also… Brains in jars!

Ep 3 : Because of William Hartnell being on holiday it’s Companions and Pals! It does go to show that Hartnell’s supporting cast are excellent. And bloody imitation microkeys. Gah!

Ep 4 : The Snows of Terror! The Day After Tomorrow! The Beast From The East! Ahem. Sorry about that. And Ian? Brilliant idea leaving Barbara with the fur trapper. He’s not dodgy at all. Also, Susan does a fair amount of moaning and screaming, and in her defence I’d probably do the same.

Ep 5 : Oh no! Not the glass factories in the desert! And yay! The Doctor is back from his hols!

Ep 6 : I really don’t know what’s going on anymore. The whole trial / investigation lark is a tad out of place. Enjoyable, but odd.

So, there we go. All in all, a good romp. The last two episodes could have done with a rewrite and a change of pace, but 145 mins well spent.

Tomorrow, if I have time, I might crack on with The Aztecs.

Musings  ⁄  Rogue Trooper

movie magic : a possible new comic book movie that isn’t DC or Marvel?

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I know. I don’t believe it either.

Duncan Jones, he of Warcraft, Source Code and, more importantly, Moon, has said he’s going to do a comic book movies next.

There are articles across the interwebs certain it’s not anything to do with the big two (DC or Marvel). A number of them mention publishers like Image or Dark Horse and the kind of properties they (the writers of said articles) have in mind.

But I’m hopeful a forthcoming movie will be based on a character from The Galaxy’s Greatest Comic.

2000AD.

Other than Judge Dredd, there are loads, LOADS, of characters in 2000AD who could carry a really exciting film.

Rogue Trooper. A genetically engineered soldier, the last one of his kind, who searches for the General who betrayed his own.

Strontium Dog. A mutant bounty hunter business.

The A.B.C. Warriors. Seven warrior robots drawn together to go to Mars and fight for humanity.

Nemesis the Warlock. A demon shaped alien who fightes against the fascism of a distant future earth.

There are loads, loads more. I’d love for a Nemesis/A.B.C. Warriors movie. That kind of thing is probably unfilmable but, my god, it would incredible to watch.

Of course, I’d be equally as happy with a sequel to Karl Urban’s Dredd.

Musings  ⁄  Mental Health

mental health : the current state of mind

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This is the sound my mind is currently making, this or something very close.

It’s such a strange thing. The last few days have been so bad, so dark, that it’s really difficult to think clearly about anything at all.

Am I at risk? I don’t know. I don’t think so. Certainly I don’t have a plan.

That’s the trick with reaching DEFCON 1. Usually that’s,

1. Everything is worthless.
2. I have a plan for ending my life
3. I have the means to do so.
4. I have reached that point where I’m calm/resigned/comfortable with my imminent demise.

The first time was around a year and a half ago. I woke up that morning and I knew, I just knew, that today was the day. Pills and booze. That was the plan. I’d given up and I was entirely comfortable with ending it all.

The second time was a much faster deterioration. I had returned to work (not long after the unexpected death of my wee sister) and I was finding it had to complete basic tasks. And I was telling myself that I should be doing what was my usual job and beating myself up when I was finding the even the simple stuff too much. It wasn’t long before I was back in DEFCON 1.

The hospital happened.

And that was a good thing. That was last summer. The last year has had its ups and downs.

Right now, today, as I type this, I’m at DEFCON 1 & 1/2.

I’ll keep taking my pills. I’ll keep working on my CBT. I’ll try to keep my mind occupied.

Hopefully soon the sound my mind make will be a bit more like this:

Musings  ⁄  Mental Health

update : mental health

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I had a whole screed written about this but my computer crashed and I lost the file I tend to put blog ideas in. Ah, well.

Long story short…

  • last summer
  • suicide attempt
  • 4 weeks in Gartnavel Royal Hospital for change of meds and being kept safe
  • out
  • regular meetings with GP
  • work let me go
  • started CBT
  • …

And I’m still here.

My management were really good about it. But they had to let me go eventually.

Oh, FYI, Gartnavel Royal staff are brilliant.

Obviously I’m leaving out the finer details. But the fight for sanity continues.